What if.....

Desperation....everyone tells me:"one day at a time" or "trust in the will of God" or "you can't think long run cause you don't know what is going to happen". But what if you don't prepare? What if things go bad or what you expected would happen, happens? What if by not thinking long run, you have to withstand a lot of suffering and pain more than you wanted? What if, you are just denying yourself the inevitable???  What if you start going crazy? What if you start to falter and your dreams are shattered? What if the pain you didn't want to endure becomes a reality and paralyzes you from becoming who you wished to be?  What if you have to watch others live the life you are seeking with every breath you take but your decisions are based on another life in which you feel you have no control of? What if you have a chance of true love but you can savoir it, you can't appreciate it, or live it or even taste the infinite time it would take to just be happy because of it?  What if all you feel is hurt and disappointment? What if you believe you will not recover from it? What if your on thin ice and any movement you dare to take can be your last? What if you close your eyes and your past haunts you, your present drowns you and your future blinds you?  What if those tears that come down from your eyes are just the beginning and they have no end? What if the sacrifices you make you might regret them always? What if the choices you make, you question them over and over? What if the choices you are gonna make are already eating you up inside and is making you incapable to think, sleep, eat, study, love or just be? What if...just what if tomorrow you wake up and that routine you have been living over and over and over again you realize it will never end....Actually, it seems like any end will feel like the end.  One day at a time? Guess I have no other choice but to take one day at a time or I will loose my sanity. Trust in the will of God? I will pray every day for strength, wisdom and serenity. Do I know what will happen? I just know I want to avoid the inevitable but don't know if I have any strength left to endure it. I guess I am just left with, what if...?