That one place: My happy place

"This is my safe place"...I've had more than one boyfriend and when I look back, I thought that being in a special place with them and having their arms around me while enjoying the moment was my special place. Why is that? Because for me, a woman like's to feel safe, warm, protected, loved, cared for, and most importantly, that I am someone's world for even a moment. That in that one moment, everything stays still, nothing else around you can penetrate that moment because the only thing in existence is me and him, our love, the care for one another and no matter if later on we part our separate ways, we have that one moment were it was just us.  That it wasn't me or us against the world, against our problems or worries, against the time that will pass us by and can threaten what we had or what we could have been.  What was the past will not hunt us and the concept of future does not exist, it does not matter. I am sheltered in that one place where I am at peace and I am alive. That one place were I cannot feel the hurt of reality of my life that is exhausting, full of responsibilities, full of disappointments, full of ties, of want and needs, full of desires and anger, full of anguish and bitterness, full of a will to get away and out of a hole I feel trapped in and sometimes it feels as if there was no way out except when I am in my happy place.  I was wrong to think that it was in their arms those years ago looking at the mountains or the beach thinking they loved me above nothing else.  Thinking nothing could ruin that one moment.  I was wrong.  I know where it is now and where it will always be from now on and its because no one can take it away.  It's because I got to share it in the place I always dreamt of being.  I remember it in the day and in the night. I remember the silence, I remember how I felt and knowing that no one could take that away. The pain now is of not knowing if I will have it back. Every week, I remember that moment and the pain is a knife piercing at my heart so hard that the tears come down without the slightest effort because all my strength and will is within the desire of having that one moment back. Of being able to re-live that one moment again and leaving everything else behind because this pain is unbearable. The desire and will to return to my happy place is stronger than anything and right now, I need it and want it more than anything.  I just want to get away. I just hope that the memory of that one place is enough to withstand the days to come and me missing being back there on top of everything consuming me, I hope it doesn't tear me apart more than I already am.  I hope it doesn't keep consuming me more than it already is.  At least if I close my eyes, listen to the river, remember that bridge, remember those locks, remember the love, how safe I was, how together I was, how happy I was...if I just remember the smile on my face, the calmness in my heart and the happiness in my soul of that one moment, no matter what, my happy place will always be that one place I can go to whether real or in my mind I will know that all is alright.