My present status

My heart flutters...my mind doesn't wonder...my breath is either steady or heavy....I am calm and at peace. I am happy. I am just....in a dream. His not real and though I can feel his touch, I can hear his voice, know how much he cares, look into his steady eyes and see more than I want to believe...I can laugh and be myself without holding back. I can stumble with my words and worry without a heaviness because he caries it against my better judgment. Against my better judgement? It's something that I have question myself. Once the magic disappears, will I be able to stand what is left? Will we both? When the world finds us out and drags us back to reality to face the harshness of every decision and the cruelty of life!??? What will we do? What if I decide to be selfish? What if I want something more? I am utterly afraid. I have been releasing myself and living. Living without wanting to concern myself of others opinion's. I have been forgetting myself in your arms that are warm, tender and soothing.  I shudder at the thought of being free. Sometimes I just want to wonder on my own but I will not be able to live with such a decision.  We resemble each other in so many ways...it's not normal! How can two parallel words intertwine when you least expect it or at all? You can see clearly things that for no reason, could be seen before. I tremble now. I have been nothing but honest. I want and desire two different things and I just want to run because, I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone in the process. I feel like something bad will happen and at the same time, I feel like all that is happening, is suppose to be happening.  His there now and I don't want him to leave. His what I need and I like it. He makes me happy, he listens and I can be myself. I don't have to pretend and he accepts my double life. He releases me from my struggles and cures me of my painful past and present. That is not a crime but Can he cure me from my future? Can he make promises that he can keep? So, what is it that I am questioning? I actually know the answer, I just can't stand how I haven't risen above it.....I just want to run....but where?....